


Teach me how to say goodbye

by MycroftHolmes



Category: Hamilton - Fandom
Genre: Hurcules Mulligan, John Laurens - Freeform, M/M, Teach me how to say goodbye, Thomas Jefferson - Freeform, im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-04
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-10-14 20:58:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 14,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10544230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MycroftHolmes/pseuds/MycroftHolmes
Summary: Alexander must learn to say goodbye to Lafayette, but he simply doesn't know how. However, when he meets Thomas Jefferson, will Alexander learn to move on or will he fall down into the black abyss?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am so very sorry in advance.

"Please don't go," Alexander said softly, each word punctuated with an equally soft kiss to Lafayette's lips, which eagerly excepted each one.

Lafayette had been away from France for far to long, and away from whoever was left in his family too, and he so desperately wanted to see them. However, this meant leaving Alexander in America for perhaps months, and despite how much Lafayette knew that Alexander wanted to come, he couldn't let him. The ocean waves were always violet during this time of year, and he was no prepared to put Alexander in danger as well as him self. He'd never forgive himself if anything happened.

"I must go, mon chér," Lafayette whispered, lightly caressing Alexanders slightly damp cheek with his thumb, wiping away a single tear as it trickled down his saddened face. "Please don't cry, sweetheart. Please don't cry."

"I'm sorry," Alexander laughed, kissing Lafayette's fingers softly as they lightly grazed over his lips. "I'm just going to miss you. A lot."

"I will miss you too, mon ange, truly." Lafayette brought Alexander to his chest, hugging him tightly and burying his head into his hair. "Je t'aime."

"Je t'aime." Alexander replied, unwilling to let go of his lover. "Please be back soon."

"I will be, do not worry." Lafayette pulled back only slightly to look deep into Alexanders red eyes. If he wasn't careful, those eyes alone could guilt-trip him into staying, but he had to go. Bending down, he grazed his lips over Alexanders, barely touching them as he savoured the feeling; the sensation of their lips touching.

Soon enough, Lafayette pressed harder onto his lips, moving them in a way that made Alexanders knees buckle and a noise to tear from his throat. Smiling, Lafayette caressed his lovers lips with his own, wrapping his arms tighter around his waist and clutching the edges of his jacket, pulling him impossibly closer as their heads moved to a new position in order to get a better angle and for their tongues to meet, tentatively at first, and then much more passionately.

Alexander trailed his hands up Lafayette's chest until they circled his neck, playing with strands of free curls, twirling them in with his fingers and pulling his mouth closer to his. Alexander wanted nothing more than this loving and passionate embrace to last forever, but he knew that it simply couldn't and so eventually, with one last caress of the lips, they pulled away from each other, panting gently, through not loosing the contact of their foreheads resting against each other's or their bodies pressed together, clinging onto one another, desperate to not let go. Lafayette's breath hitched when he heard the ships commander shout for everyone to climb on board.

"Alexander?" Lafayette whispered, pressing a single, lingering kiss to his cheek.

"Yes?" Alexander breathed.

"Do not throw away your shot." Alexander laughed tearfully as Lafayette gently pulled away from the hug.

"I won't. Of course I won't, you know me."

"Yes, I suppose I do." Lafayette laughed, picking up his suitcase and caressing Alexanders cheek one last time.

"Goodbye, mon chér. Je t'aime."

"Goodbye. Je t'aime."

Lafayette smiled and gave Alexander a small wave as he turned on his heel and strode towards the boat. Alexander didn't notice the tears that started to gather in his eyes.

Alexander mercilessly pushed past everyone who was crowded around the dock, ignoring every annoyed sound and objections the people made as he clumsily had his way trough to the front, just in time to see the boat start to sail away. Searching frantically for Lafayette, Alexander let himself start to shake. He needed to see him one more time. Just one. That would be enough.

Just as the boat started to turn out of the dock, Lafayette practically pounced at the railing, joining everyone else on board in waving at their loved ones who stood at the dock. Alexander immediately locked eyes with Lafayette and blew him a single kiss, which the Frenchman dramatically caught and pressed it to his heart, causing Alexander to laugh.

Alexander hated saying goodbye, but he always knew that so enough he would be saying hello again.

But not this time. 


	2. Chapter 2

It had been two whole weeks since Lafayette had left for France to visit his family and it had also been two whole weeks since Alexander started to worry about his lover.

Alexander wasn't stupid, he knew why Lafayette refused to take him along to France, and he knew that the tides were no man's friend, not even Lafayette's, who was the single most friendliest person anyone could ever meet. Alexander also knew that he wouldn't be able to hear from Lafayette until he arrived in France, which furthered his worry even more. He wouldn't be able to bear it if something happened. He just wouldn't.

Alexander sat at his desk in his office, writing down words at lightning speed as soon as they popped into his head, scribbling certain words and sentences every so often when he thought of a better alternative phrase. Writing was the only thing that could manage to take his mind of Lafayette. He was transported to a new world when he wrote, forgetting everything around him; all of his worries, all of his problems, everything. In fact, it made him so focused that he didn't hear the knock at the door until it was opened by Washington.

"Mr President," Alexander greeted, standing and brushing down his pants, circling the desk to stand in front of the man.

"Alexander," Washington nodded, evidently upset about something. Alexander began to panic. Had he forgotten something? Did his dept plan fail? Was he being fired? Questions raced through his mind almost as fast as his hand when he wrote, but with panic more than with passion.

"Is there something you needed?"

Washington hesitated and went to say something, but stopped abruptly and brought out a single envelope from his jacket pocket, twirling it in his fingers before passing it to Hamilton, who had a bewildered look on his features as he stared down at the paper. Flipping it over to look at the writing on the front, his heart stopped beating. He knew that handwriting. That swirly, perfect, dramatic handwriting.

It was Lafayette's.

Any other day, Alexander would have been absolutely delighted and would have practically ripped open the envelope to read its contents. But not today. The letter had already been opened, and due to the sad look in Washington's eyes, he knew that it couldn't be good news.

"Mr President?" Alexander asked, shakily, looking up at the man with wary eyes. "What is this?"

"It's... just read it. Please." Washington said, turning away and exiting the room without another word, shutting the door quietly behind him.

Alexander, now alone, returned his gaze to the envelope he held in his hands before slowly reopening the seal and reaching inside to pull out the piece of paper, placing the discarded envelope on the table, delicately. Unfolding the paper, Alexander drew in a shaky breath and released it again before starting to read.

_"My dearest, Alexander._

_I hope this letter finds you in good health, because if you do receive this then I will not be in such good shape, for I will be dead."_

Alexander paused. Those words echoed in his head, bouncing off every surface it could find until it finally stopped and sunk in.

Dead.

Lafayette was dead. _Lafayette was dead_.

Alexander trembled, his entire body shaking as he fell down to the floor, unable to stand any longer. Breathing heavily, he felt his whole world crumble around him, surrounding him in absolute horror and excruciating pain.Inside his chest, he felt his heart shatter into one million tiny pieces, followed by his soul, which burnt until all that was left were ashes.

Lafayette was dead. _Lafayette was dead._

Tears started to pour from his eyes, his head pounding and his whole body seeming to tremble without his knowing consent. A sob tore its way from his throat, the sound echoing throughout the room, followed by another and another until he was crying, almost yelling with the pain that shot through every nerve he possessed until all he felt was numbness. All he felt was absolute heartbreak.

Lafayette was dead. _Lafayette was dead._

Shakily, through watery eyes and choked, broken sobs, he returned back to reading the paper in front of him.

_"Alexander, not a day has gone by that I have not thought of you and wanted so desperately to hold and comfort you, to kiss and to hug you, and not a singular day will go by where I do not. My love for you is never in doubt, mon amour. Never._

_I have no idea how to express In only words how much I adore you. Your intelligent mind never ceased to amaze me, and you laugh never failed to make me the happiest man alive, and so please don't think that I lived a short and hard life, because the moment you stepped one foot into it, you gave me the one thing that I never thought I would ever be able to posses: love. You gave me your heart and soul and I cannot express how grateful I am for everything you have done for me; for what you have done for us._

_I love you so much. Never, for as long as you live, forget that."_

Alexander clamped a hand over his mouth, resisting the urge to scream, leaning back against his wooden desk, imagining Lafayette's warm arms enveloping him in the gentlest of hugs, comforting him, telling him that everything was okay. Telling him that he loved him and that he would never leave him.

_"But no matter where life takes you, no matter what rough patches you go through, know that I am there, watching over you and I always, always will be, mon chér. Always. Every second of every day of every year._

_But please, Alexander, do not let this hold you back from achieving your full happiness. Do not hesitate when you meet someone new - please. You must move on, mon amour. No matter how hard it is - you must. You must be happy, and I am trusting you to find that happiness, wherever it may be or whoever it may be with - find it, and pursue it._

_And now, I have just one more thing to say, Alexander Hamilton: Do not throw away your shot._

_Ever since the day you were born you were destined to follow your dreams, and you have worked so hard to get where you are and I cannot express how proud I am of you, mon chér. You have saved so many people, including me, and you should be so proud of yourself too. So proud._

_Please don't forget me. Please don't forget that I love you. And please, don't forget to follow your dream._

_Je t'aime, Alexander Hamilton._

_Yours, Lafayette. "_

Alexander let the note fall to the floor, bringing his legs up to his chest and sobbing into his knees, wetting the fabric of his pants with the tears that poured down his blotchy cheeks, hugging himself so he didn't lose any broken pieces.

"Je t'aime, Lafayette." he whispered in a broken tone. "You were my new dream." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate myself for writing this.  
> I'm crying.  
> I'm so sorry.


	3. Chapter 3

Ten months had passed since Lafayette's death, and Hamilton was only just learning to cope with the Frenchman's absence, though, it proved much harder than Hamilton could have ever imagined when he first read the letter Lafayette had written.

Mornings were lonely now. There was no one to cuddle into; to be comforted by when he awoke, startled, from the nightmares he had been forced to sleep through. There was no one to kiss good morning or goodnight, and the worst thing was that there was no radiant smile that let him know that everything was okay; that nothing could hurt him. Every single minute of every single hour was dreadful, and although he was usually surrounded by the people close to him and the people who loved him, he couldn't help but feel lonely because the one person he wanted there wasn't, and they never would be.

Lafayette had been an amazing man and an even amazing friend to all. He was always the one person who could make anyone laugh and smile even in their darkest times, but now, that bright spark of a man was gone, and everyone was suffering from his loss.

John Laurens had cried when he found out what had happened, and Hercules - no matter how much he tried to hide it - cried too. Washington had taken the news to heart as well. Lafayette had saved him multiple times on the battlefield and he couldn't help but feel guilty that a life as bright and heroic as Lafayette's was taken away in an instant. Washington had even gone as far as to travel all the way to France to be able to give Lafayette's family the news of his death. They broke down into tears when they found out.

On the tenth months anniversary of Lafayette's death, Alexander found himself sat in the pouring rain with a single rose in his hand, in front of the Frenchman's grave which read:

 _"Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de Lafayette_  
_6th September 1757 - 28th March 1785_  
_Beloved friend to all."_

Alexander let out the choked laugh that bubbled up; the person who engraved the stone couldn't fit Lafayette's full name on and he knew that it would cause the Frenchman much amusement to hear if he were still alive.

With tears dripping down his cheek, Alexander knelt down on the sodden dirt of the floor, placing the single red rose in front of the gravestone where the stems of old flowers withered away with a shaky hand.

"Raise a glass to freedom..." he whispered brokenly, caressing the ragged stone with care before placing a small kiss to the top of it, his own tears mixing with the rain. "I love you."

Later that night when he arrived home, he opened the door and took his coat off, hanging it on the peg along with his scarf next to a single and empty peg. He then took off his shoes and walked into the parlour with his head down before sitting on a wooden chair and resting his head in his hands. The only sound in the room was his heavy breathing and the ticking of the Great Grandfather clock that stood in the corner of the room.

Not so long afterwards, the silence was broken by the front door opening and the sweet voice of Eliza as she let herself in.

"Alexander?" He called quietly, walking further into the house until she saw the glow of a single candle originating from the kitchen. Peering in, she saw Alexander sitting, trembling.

"Alexander?" She tried again, edging into the room and sitting on one of the chairs next to him, reaching for his cold and pale hand with care. "Sweetheart, look at me."

Alexander rose his head, revealing the tear tracks that lined his cheeks like prison bars and his red, watery eyes that soon found her sympathetic brown ones. He gave her a shaky smile, one that didn't last very long.

"Hello." He whispered, clearing his choked through with a cough.

"Hello." Eliza said gently, giving him a small smile back. "How are you?"

"Is that question worth answering?"

"Please. I know you bottle your feelings up Alexander, but you don't have to now. Tell me how you are feeling."

Alexander gave a sigh and rubbed his eyes with his hands.

"I don't feel anything. Not today. Not since... not since that day. Devastation soon faded into nothing, and that soon turned into emptiness."

Eliza wiped the stray tears from his blotchy cheeks and he leaned into her hand, closing his eyes and letting more droplets drop down and cling to his eyelashes.

"Lafayette would want you to move on," Eliza said quietly. "You know he would."

"I know," he said, swallowing. "I just... I don't know if I can love anybody as much and I do not want to cause them pain."

"Please, Alexander, just try. I know it's difficult and I know it will take time, but you must."

Alexander hesitated and then nodded slowly. "Okay... okay. I will try. I promise."

Eliza smiled back at him and placed a single kiss on his forehead. "Everything is going to be okay."

"How do I know when I've met someone?" He asked, looking up at her with a broken expression upon his once bright face that now was blotchy and red from crying constantly.

"You'll experience happiness again." Eliza said softly.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

Thomas Jefferson was the biggest prick Alexander had ever met in his life, and he had fought alongside Charles Lee - well, if fighting was a word you could use to described Charles's methods.

Alexander had known that Thomas was friends with Lafayette, and for that reason he tried so desperately hard to get along with the insufferable wild-haired git, but no matter how hard he tried, Alexander just couldn't stand him. At all.

Thomas always wore that same stupid smug expression on his face with that stupid velvet magenta suit he insisted was in fashion. Not to mention that cane he obviously didn't need but carried around everywhere he went. Those dark curls that bounced with every single step he took pissed Alexander off to no end, along with his height. Dear God, did he have to be that tall? It would make it a whole lot less embarrassing if Thomas could shrink so Alexander wasn't forced to stand on a small step stool to be eye to eye with the smug bastard.

The two argued and argued and argued, whether it be on the national debt or the colour of the sky, they never stopped. Every day they would find themselves nose to nose, glaring through cold stone eyes, hissing and growling out objections to whatever the other man had said, and every day, Washington had to practically tear them apart. But even then, when Washington was shouting at them both, they stood with narrowed eyes aimed at one another until they both stormed off to their respected offices. So you could imagine their faces when Washington ordered them to work together on a collection of papers on the debt plan.

"Mr President-" Alexander tried to object, his mouth agape as he took in Washington's words.

"I expect the papers to be finished in the next three months." Washington nodded, taking his glasses off and placing them on his desk before clasping his hands together. Jefferson tried to say something but no words came out, so instead he stood with his shoulders lumped and A defeated look upon his usually smug features.

"Fine." Hamilton sighed, rubbing his temples. "I will work with Jefferson, but on one condition."

Washington raised an eyebrow expectantly.

"I wish to have you word that my debt plan will pass, for I will not spend three months in the company of this prick only for my plan to fail."

Thomas quickly found the words to object to this.

"Mr President, these are unfair terms on my behalf, not to mention the rest of the country who will indefinitely suffer!" He looked disbelievingly at Washington, who seemed to be very deep in thought.

"I will give you one month to sort the plan out for yourselves, but if in one month I see no improvement on your behaviour towards each other or on the plan then I will give your positions to someone else. Is that clear?" Washington looked between the two men as they gasped.

"Sir-" they both tried to interject at the same time, but Washington put his hand up as a sign to stop. 

"Is that clear?" He repeated, looking between the two men.

Alexander's head whirled to Jefferson, only to see the man already glaring in his direction. Through gritted teeth, Thomas just about managed to get out: 

"Yes, Mr President, you've made yourself clear."

"Good, now, I expect to to start tomorrow morning." 

"Of course, Mr President." Thomas managed to tear his gaze from Alexander's to bow respectfully at Washington. "Good evening, sir." He said before turning dramatically on his heal, his magenta coat flapping behind him before he stormed out of the office, muttering curses under his breath.

Both Alexander and Washington watched him go before Alexander looked towards Washington. 

"Sir, I have the upmost respect for you, but... are you insane?" He cried, rubbing a hand across his face. Washington stood up and rounded his desk to stand in front of Hamilton. 

"Look, I understand that you don't like Jefferson, but I'm doing this for your own good. You've been so lonely, Hamilton, and with Jefferson having a close relationship to Lafayette, you might learn to like him." 

Alexander sighed, his mood deflating at the mention of Lafayette, but he couldn't admit that the Washington was wrong in any way. 

"I understand, Sir. I will try my best." 

Washington nodded and placed a hand on his shoulder, giving it a small squeeze. 

"Everything will be okay." 


	5. Chapter 5

Alexander was forcibly awoken by the rather loud sound of an owls cooing from outside the window in which it sat in a tree, staring at the sleepy man, mocking him. Alexander's head slowly turned to look at the offending creature, which continued it's dreadful hooing, its hawk-like eyes never once leaving Alexander's as he glared at the bird. Not having the energy, Alexander lazily made a shooing motion with his hand.

"Piss off." He grumbled, his head falling back down onto the comforting pillow, trying desperately to drown out the noises from outside, which only grew louder with each passing second. Alexander put the pillow over his head in one last attempt, and for about a minute, the noise stopped. Alexander smirked triumphantly to himself before sticking his middle finger up in the general direction of the window.

"That's right, you little prick- Oh, for fucks sake!" He cried as the owl once again started to hoo, louder this time round. Begrudgingly, he sat up, his silk bed sheets pooling around his waist as he tiredly rubbed his eyes with his fists. Yawning, he threw the sheets off him and placed his feet on the cold wood floor of the bedroom before standing up and stretching his muscles. Whilst dragging a hand through his dark hair, he looked up and was immediately greeted by a portrait of Lafayette, which hung proudly on the wall, along side his own portrait.

In the picture, Lafayette looked as handsome as ever; his curly hair tied up in a bun on the top of his head, his perfectly chocolate eyes staring straight ahead of him from where he stood horizontally, proudly stood in his navy uniform with his sword held in his hand. Lafayette's fairly dark skin seemed to glow in the early morning sunrise, further perfecting his angular, handsome features.

Alexander smiled fondly at the picture, for it brung back a tidal wave of memories from the very day it was painted.

_Lafayette smoothed out the creases in his navy suit, fiddling slightly as Hercules tried desperately to sew a rip at the bottom of his pants, holding a needle between his teeth and gritting out insults and curses when he realised that Lafayette was doing it on purpose._

_"I swear, if you don't stand still-"_

_"Oh, mon petit lion," Lafayette grinned, moving his hips in a circular motion. "I'm only stretching."_

_"I'll make you stretch alright..." Hercules muttered, finishing off the last bit of stitching on the fabric and standing, only to be greeted by the Frenchman's piss-pleased face, his eyes lit up in amusement._

_"Mon chér, I hate to inform you that I am already - how you say? - taken, but I thank you for the offer."_

_Hercules raised an eyebrow as he tried to register what the man meant. When he finally understood, he punched his arm._

_"I didn't mean it like that, and you know it, you little French Fuck."_

_Lafayette laughed, jumping off the stool in which he stood and strode over to Alexander and John, who were happily conversing between each other. When Alexander saw Lafayette coming, he grinned and wolf-whistled, causing the Frenchman to smirk and do a little twirl._

_"I look very handsome, non?"_

_"Oui, you look very sexy, mom amour." Alexander chuckled, reaching up to kiss Lafayette softly. Beside them, John whistled loudly, making the two blush slightly whilst still in lip-lock._

_"Alright, alright, you two lovers. The public display of affection timer has run out unfortunately. Well, unfortunately for you anyways."_

_Lafayette gave Alexander one last gentle kiss before allowing John to drag him to his position just in front of the artists who was to paint him. When in position, Lafayette gave Alexander a small wink and smile, but immediately schooled his features as the painter scolded him._

_"Still! Still as statue!"_

_Alexander laughed to himself, eyes never leaving Lafayette's as he made faces to try and get him to laugh, however, Lafayette just about managed to keep his laughter in and so just glared at him, though, through playful eyes. But, when Alexander made a particular face, Lafayette spluttered with laughter, bending over as his frame shook. Alexander couldn't help but laugh with him, admiring the crinkles at Lafayette's eyes as he smiled, as well as the laugh lines at his cheeks. Soon enough, tears of mirth started to appear in the Frenchman's gorgeous eyes, only causing more amusement._

_"Non! Non!" The artist yelled, throwing his brushes to the floor. "Imbecile! Still!"_

Alexander sighed at the memory, his mood suddenly deflating as a happy memory turned into a feeling of sadness and longing.

"Lafayette," he whispered to himself, walking over to the portrait and trailing his fingers delicately over the Frenchman's face. "I wish that you were still here. Je t'aime."

Later that day, Alexander was sat at his wooden desk, his hand working at the speed of light as he wrote, his glasses falling down his nose inch by inch, but too focused on his work to do anything about it. Pages and pages of writing littered his desk, blowing slightly in the light breeze that was let in through the open window, which thankfully had no owls on the other side of it. But the moment the door burst open, Alexander's concentration shattered and his head shot up, only to be greeted by the magenta-wearing bastard, Thomas Jefferson.

"Good evening." He said, making his way into the office, setting his cane down against the wall and sliding his coat off, handing it on one of the pegs that were nailed just next to the door. Though his overly dramatic coat was off, his white, ruffled shit and velvet magenta waistcoat and breeches were enough to piss any human being off, especially Alexander Hamilton, who glared at the offending garments.

"What are you doing here?" Alexander asked, putting his pen down and finally sliding his glasses up his nose. Jefferson raised an eyebrow, flopping down on the chair that sat opposite the desk, resting one of his legs over the arm of the chair and managing to look like even more of a prick than he already did.

"I am here to sort out the plan for the national debt, obviously." He said, looking at Hamilton as he stared intently at him. "Or did you and your little mind already forget about yesterday's conversation with Washington?"

Alexander rolled his eyes and glared. "No, I did not forget, I was only hoping it was some sort of nightmare."

"Unfortunately not, darlin'." Thomas grinned, snatching a piece of paper from Hamiltons desk and scanning over it before scoffing.

" _Really_? You think that this is a plan? This is a rejected page from a children's book."

Alexander quickly took the paper from Thomas's hands, resisting the urge to smack the back of his head and placing it back on his desk, away from him.

"It was a draft." He muttered, crossing his arms over his emerald green coat.

"Obviously." Thomas rolled his eyes, fluffing his hair when he caught a glimpse of the slightly deflated curls in the large mirror mounted on the office wall and fixing the ruffles on his shirt to make them neater, which didn't really work. However, as he looked in the mirror, he noticed a portrait on the wall behind him and whirled to look at it. On it we're Alexander, John, Hercules, and his late friend, Lafayette.  
Standing up, Thomas walked over and smiled lightly at the Frenchman, recalling the memories they shared during his time in France.

Lafayette truly was a brilliant friend, as well as brilliant company when he had panic attacks before speeches in front of large crowds. Not many people knew that Thomas had stage fright, only Lafayette and Madison knew, but somehow, Lafayette was always the one to make him calm down; to make him smile and confident. Thomas missed him dearly, and though he would never admit to it, he visited Lafayette's grave before every single cabinet meeting or speech, and even though he wasn't there, Lafayette still managed to make him smile.

"When was this painted?" Thomas asked, shaking himself out of his saddened thoughts by reviewing the brushwork and details of the piece. It was rather remarkable.

"A few years ago." Alexander replied stiffly, not daring to look at the picture in case of yet another breakdown.

"It's rather nice," The Virginian nodded, lost in thought for only a moment before swiftly turning back around on his heel and clasping his hands together. "Well then, shall we begin?" He grinned.

Alexander could only groan as he was dragged into hell.


	6. Chapter 6

In the early hours of the morning, Alexander stood from his desk and stretched his muscles, cracking his back loudly as he did so. Thomas, who had also stood up, raised an eyebrow at Hamilton.

"Dear God, just how old are you?"

"I'm in my late twenties, if you must know." Alexander shot back, rolling his shoulders as he started to pack away his belongings. Jefferson took the papers that they had drafted on and put them in order, straightening them before he placed them on the desk. With a yawn and a stretch, Jefferson walked over to the peg and took his coat, sliding it on and looking in the mirror once again to fix the ruffles on his shirt and to fluff his wild curls. Satisfied with his appearance, Thomas took his cane and swung it in his hand, turning back to look at Hamilton as he took his glasses off and placed them in his pocket.

"Are you ready?" Jefferson sighed, resting his body weight on his trusty cane, his stance making him look as if he were a king. Alexander muttered something before grabbing his bag with all of his belongings and slinging his coat over his forearm as he looked over to Jefferson.

"You're seeing me out?" He asked, walking out of the office and waiting for Jefferson to follow.

"Yes," Thomas said, as if stating a fact. "You look vulnerable and I'll be damned if those plans go down with you if you get attacked."

Alexander couldn't help but laugh, shutting the office door behind him before walking towards the exit of the building, looking back at Thomas with amusement as he strode after him.

"Says you, who happens to be the one wearing an outfit that screams 'I am a rich and ignorant bastard who needs a good beating.'"

Jefferson scoffed at that, rolling his eyes as he looked down at himself. Sure, his attire was rather loud and bright, but he liked it. It was his favourite outfit.

"I'll have you know that magenta Is in fashion." The Virginian grumbled, smoothing the lapels of his coat and straightening his posture, his head tall and proud.

"For women, maybe." Alexander muttered, turning back to look ahead of him as they walked out of the building and into the cold morning air.

Stars twinkled brightly above them, illuminating the still dark sky along with the moon, which shone down on even the darkest alleyways. Light raindrops fell from the sky and splashed against Alexanders face as he looked up to see the magnificent view. Silence surrounded them, though comfortably, as they stood, simply relishing the beautiful morning.

Alexander had always loved stars; they were his sign of hope in his darkest times. When he was a sick young boy, he used to look up at them at nighttime and pray to whatever God there was above to relieve himself and his mother of the terrible curse that they were under. When his cousin committed suicide, he looked up at the bright little specs and spoke to them, wishing to have a better life. Each and every night he would stargaze and each and every night, he would wish that he had one for his own. His own star that he could hold and cherish forever; his own little star to keep him safe and sound. Then, on one faithful day, his wish came true: Lafayette came into his life and in that moment, he knew that he would never be as happy. Alexander's wish had come true, but some wishes don't last, and some stars don't either, and that was the hardest lesson that he had ever been given. Losing Lafayette had meant losing hope, and losing hope meant that he would never be the same. Yet, no matter how many tears he shed or how many sleepless nights he had gone through, he couldn't help but smile because Lafayette was where he belonged - in the sky, living amongst all of the other stars that shone brighter now that Lafayette was there with them.

"It's rather astonishing, don't you think?" Alexander asked, the stars reflecting in his eyes, causing them to twinkle and shine. The corners of his lips turned upwards until he was grinning from ear to ear, recalling memories.

"Yes, it is rather." Thomas nodded, his own eyes flickering to Alexander as he spoke. The small raindrops that fell onto his hair, making the messy strands sparkle, like everything around him in that moment.

Only seconds later, Alexander's train of thought seemed to crash and he tore his gaze away to look at Thomas, his eyes still twinkling. Jefferson looked back, tilting his head slightly. He had never noticed how bright his eyes really were.

"Well, goodnight, Thomas." Alexander nodded before turning on his heel and walking away into the night. Thomas's eyes never left him as he was left stuck in thought.

Alexander had never called him Thomas before. He was always referred to by his second name, and he couldn't help but feel as special as the stars when Alexander gazed lovingly up at them.

"Goodnight, Alexander." Thomas said quietly into the now empty street before turning and striding away with a small smile on his face. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!   
> I'm sorry these chapters are really quite lame, but I promise they get better!   
> Please please please comment, I love reading them!


	7. Chapter 7

Every morning was the same for Alexander - he would wake up, admire the view of the city from his window, give Lafayette's portrait a small kiss, get ready and leave for work. Each and every day was an exact replica from the previous one, but Alexander never really got bored of it, as it distracted him from mourning and stressing over work as well. Occasionally, his routine altered when John and Hercules would visit to comfort him, and they were due to visit on that very night.

Once Alexander had finished his work for the day, he quickly packed up his things, gave a brief goodbye to Thomas on his way out and rushed home so he wasn't late for his friends. Upon arrival back home, Alexander threw his bag onto his bed and got changed into more comfortable attire before hurrying into the kitchen to prepare food, like he always did. Alexander knew he wasn't the best chef in the world, as did John and Hercules, but he loved to make food. Not many people knew about his cooking passion, only the people who asked about it. Lafayette, of course, was one of the people who knew, and he discovered it on their very first date.

_Lafayette and Hamilton walked down the lonely street, hand in hand, their puffs of breath visible in the cold winter air. Lafayette was blushing at the fact their date had gone so terribly wrong so terribly fast. He had reserved a table in a new restaurant for them both, but apparently he had gotten the date wrong and the reservation was actually for the night before and there were no spare tables on the current night._

_"I am sorry." Lafayette said for what must have been the tenth time in sixty seconds. Hamilton chuckled lightly, squeezing the Frenchman's hand reassuringly._

_"There is no need to apologise, Lafayette. I don't need a fancy dinner to be happy; all I need is you."_

_Lafayette smiled and gazed down at him as Alexander pressed a kiss just under his jaw, but he quickly captured his lips with his own. Lafayette kissed him softly and tenderly, lingering for a few seconds before pulling away and bending down slightly to rest their foreheads against each other's._

_"Still, I am sorry. I should have been more prepared." Hamilton pressed another quick kiss to his lips before smiling, his eyes betraying nothing but utter admiration for the man._

_"How about we go back to my house and I'll cook something for us both? You can help if you so wish."_

_Lafayette grinned at the idea and nodded his head, pulling Alexander close to him and starting to walk along the path once again._

_"Oui, it sounds like a marvellous plan, mom chér."_

_About an hour later, the two were settled in Alexander's home with the fire on sipping wine as they waited for the eggs to boil. Lafayette swirled his drink around in his cup, seeming mesmerised by the way it moved around. Alexander chuckled at him and ran a hand through the curls on the back of his neck from behind him, resting his chin on his shoulder. Lafayette turned his head to give him a quick kiss, which Alexander gladly accepted, grinning._

_"Come on, the eggs are almost done, you can help me with the rest of the food." He said, pulling away and walking over to a cupboard to bring out more ingredients. Lafayette took one lat sip of his drink before walking over._

_"What do you want me to do?" He asked, washing his hands first. Alexander passed him a sharp knife and motioned to a vegetable on the counter._

_"Just dice that into small pieces."_

_"Right..." Lafayette nodded, unsure and took the the vegetable, placing it in front of him before very carefully lining the blade up so it was perfectly straight and slicing through it with such precision that Alexander had to laugh. Lafayette looked up, innocently._

_"What?"_

_"It's just you act as if you are trying to make dinner for the king." He cleaned his hands with a towel before walking over to Lafayette and placing a hand over his. "Here, let me show you."_

_Alexander began to help Lafayette in cutting the vegetable, cutting it up into small pieces rather quickly and efficiently, though, careful enough to make sure that Lafayette didn't cut himself on the knife. Once he was convinced that Lafayette was confident enough, he went to pull his hand away but the Frenchman shook his head._

_"Non, don't pull away." He smiled, resting his head on top of Alexander's as they resumed the dicing. Alexander sighed contently and rested against his side, relishing the warmth of his body._

_Soon enough, the food was ready and so the two sat on the couch together with their wine and tucked in, Alexander eagerly watching as Lafayette took his first bite. As soon as the food entered his mouth, Lafayette let out a groan, chewing slowly as if trying to savour the mouth watering taste. Alexander laughed at his reaction, eating his own with equal pleasure. Once the food was finished, they abandoned their plates and glasses on the floor and Alexander pulled Lafayette to his chest, throwing a blanket over them both as the fire's warmth increased. Lafayette cuddled into his side, burying his head into the crook of Alexander's neck and gently kissing the skin there._

_"Je t'aime, Alexander." He whispered, wrapping himself further around his body. Alexander felt his heart flutter, along with his eyes as he kissed the top of his head._

_"Je t'aime, Lafayette."_

Alexander was so caught up in the memory that he didn't register the sound of knocking at the door until John shouted from outside.

"Alexander! You in there?"

"Uh, yeah! Just coming!" Alexander called back, tearing himself out of his mind with a shake of his head before rushing to the door to open it. Upon opening the door, both John and Hercules gave him worried looks.

"Alexander... are you okay?" John asked. Alexander made a confused face, nodding.

"Of course. Why do you ask?"

"You're crying." Hercules pointed out. With a frown, Alexander turned to look in a mirror that was mounted on the wall, and sure enough, tears were dripping from his dull eyes and down his blotchy cheeks. It seems that he was too caught up in the memory from earlier that he didn't realise he was crying.

"Oh..." he murmured, wiping the tears away with the back of his hand. "I was just thinking about things."

"Come on," John smiled gently, leading Alexander into his house with Hercules shutting the door behind him. "Lets have a chat."'


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so terrible and I'm so sorry. Honestly, I can't write at all.

Once the three men were settled on the couch in the parlour, John handed out small glasses of wine, taking a sip from his as he turned to face Alexander, who's tears had dried and the blotches on his face nowhere to be seen.

"So," John started softly, placing a comforting hand on Alexander's shoulder, almost causing the man to flinch. "What has been happening?"

Alexander let out a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair, ducking his head as he began to talk.

"Washington has had me and Jefferson write a series of essays on the national dept, and has had us work together. I suppose I was just stressing."

Hercules almost scoffed at the excuse, but instead he gave him a reassuring smile.

"Alexander, you don't cry when you stress, you argue. All of us know that."

Alexander looked up and opened his mouth to reject, but all that came out was a sigh. He knew there was no use in trying to convince John of Hercules that he had been stressed. They knew him too well. Way too well.

"Fine..." Alexander mumbled, leaning back into the chair and relaxing his muscles against the comforting material. "I... I was just thinking of Lafayette, that's all. You probably knew that already, though."

John and Hercules gave each other a sad look before averting their gazes back to Alexander, who was taking a sip from his glass which he held with a slightly shaky hand.

"Alexander, why don't you tell us when you are feeling down? We are here go help." John said, rubbing the man's shoulder gently.

"I know you are, I do. It's just... I'm told that I should be over it by now, and I don't want to be seen as weak."

"You lost the person whom you loved most in this world; you may never be over it." Hercules said, shaking his head slightly.

"I just... I don't want to be like this forever. I don't want to wake up and mourn everyday. All I want is Lafayette back." A single tear fell down Alexander's cheek as his lips wobbled. John put his glass down on the table and pulled Alexander into a hug, feeling him relax into him and let out a choked sob.

"I know, buddy, we all want him back, but he's gone. All we can do is be happy that he was in our lives because we were so lucky to have known him."

"You need to move on, Alexander." Hercules said, patting his shoulder with a comforting hand. "You will meet someone."

"I-I know I will, but I don't know... I just feel as if I am betraying Lafayette..."

"Lafayette would want you to be happy, and you never will be if you don't find love again."

Alexander sighed shakily, wiping his eyes with his hands and drawing in a deep breath.

"I am trying, I really am... I just need time."

"Of course, buddy." Hercules nodded with a small smile. "All of the best things come with time." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and say whether I should continue this story! X


	9. Chapter 9

It had been exactly a month since Washington had paired Thomas and Alexander up to write the essays on the national debt, and now the two were sat eagerly in his office, side by side, while Washington read over the papers. He had given them a month to plan the essays and work on their relationship, and now that the month was over, Washington could see the surprising improvement.

The plan was rather detailed, and included an equal amount of ideas from both Jefferson and Hamilton, and from what Washington could tell, they had written equal amounts too for half the papers were written in fancy, swirly writing (Jefferson's) and the other half was written in rather small, messy writing (Hamilton's).

The plan wasn't the only thing that astonished Washington, because Jefferson and Hamilton had actually learnt to get along over the past month, which still surprised him to no end. Every day he saw them working together in Alexander's office, seeming to take each other's points with enthusiasm and giving constructive criticism, which they accepted with gratitude. On some days, Washington even saw them laughing together and smiling on their way in and out of the office, seeming happy in each other's company and it made the president feel overjoyed. He knew that Alexander had a very difficult time with coping after Lafayette had very unfortunately passed, and he hadn't seen Alexander as happy as he seemed to be since the incident.

"Well," Washington finally said, nodding to himself as he put the file of papers down and took his glasses off, placing them on the desk. "I believe congratulations is in order, you have worked tremendously."

"Thank you, Sir." Thomas and Alexander said at the same time, the corners of their mouths upturned in smiles.

"The plan, from what I can see, is one of brilliance and I look forward to reading the new essays when they are completed." Washington stood and offered his hand out for the two men to shake, which they did with enthusiasm. They both bid their goodbyes and exited the office, closing the door behind them before looking at each other and grinning widely.

"We did it." Hamilton smiled, letting out a breath of relief.

"Indeed we did." Jefferson nodded, "Would you like to come over to my house later for a celebratory dinner? I'll cook?"

"Id love to." Alexander said without hesitation nodding as he held out his hand to be shook. Jefferson took his hand and grinned.

"I shall see you later then."

"Yes, I'll see you later." Jefferson let go of his hand and turned swiftly on his heel before walking out of the building. Alexander looked on after him. Thomas Jefferson may not be the biggest prick he had ever met after all.

The truth was that Alexander had found himself enjoying Thomas's company over the last month way more than he expected to. At the beginning of the month, Alexander though that he was done for and that he would never make it through with such an insolent twat by his side, but as the days went by, he discovered a side of Thomas that he had never seen before. Jefferson turned out to be very pleasant company which surprised Alexander since he had always thought that the Virginian was the most self-centred prick in existence, but he wasn't. He as rather... nice. Some days, when Alexander felt down and walked into the office with tear tracks lining his cheeks, Thomas would offer to write while Alexander had a rest and would generally be very understanding and considerate towards him, and would even try to make him smile in any way he could, which Alexander appreciated. Thomas had even brought him breakfast when they worked in the early hours of the morning as he noticed that Alexander was growing thinner with each passing day and so he deduced that he mustn't be eating, and over time, Alexander had put all the weight that he lost back on. Thomas truly was a good friend.

Later that night, Alexander walked down the dark street, the candlelit lampposts lightning up only small sections of the path as he went, making it rather easy to trip over a number of stones and sticks which would have been obvious had it been daytime. Alexander had visited Thomas's house a number of times over the last month to finish off small sections of work and so he knew where he was going. When he arrived, Alexander took a minute - as he always did - to take in Thomas's home.

The manor was large, made with red bricks with rather large windows spaced out evenly along the front walls. In front of the house was a big patch of grass that had perfectly trimmed bushes in the middle, along with a number of colourful flowers. It was basically a castle. Thomas had said to him that the house used to be an old school house, but there was a fire and so the insides were severely damaged and the children were forced to move. Thomas moved in shortly afterwards and renovated the interior to look vintage and rustic. It suited his style a lot.

Alexander walked up the steps to face the two large, wooden doors before knocking rather loudly, as he knew Thomas wouldn't be able to hear him otherwise since the house was so large. Not seconds later, the door was opened by Jefferson, who was dressed in a black suit rather than his classic magenta one.

"A new outfit? I never thought I'd see the day." Alexander grinned, looking him over. Thomas rolled his eyes, though not in the rude manor that Alexander was used to, but rather amused instead.

"I do have other clothes. Magenta just so happens to be my favourite colour." Thomas explained, stepping aside as Alexander walked inside the house, admiring the interior like he always did when he entered.

"Clearly." Alexander smiled, shrugging off his black coat and hanging it on a peg that was nailed to the wall just beside the door.

"Come," Thomas said, walking through one of the doorways that lead to the kitchen. "Dinner is ready."

Once in the kitchen, Thomas passed Alexander a glass of expensive wine before sipping his own with an air of elegance. Alexander put his lips to the glass and gulped a small bit down, groaning immediately at the rick and beautiful taste of the liquid. Thomas chuckled deeply, setting his glass down.

"I bought it the last time I was in France," he explained, walking over to the dining table where the food was set. "It is rather nice, isn't it?"

"Rather nice?" Alexander scoffed, taking a seat opposite Jefferson on the long side of the table, for if they both sat at the end they would have to shout to be able to hear each other due to how large the table was. "It is the finest wine I've ever tasted?"

"If you think that this is good then you are in for a big surprise when you taste my other wines." Thomas smirked, sitting down on the velvet fabric covered chair.

"This isn't your finest? I'm offended."

"Trust me, you couldn't handle it."

"Try me." Alexander challenged with a playful glare, one that Thomas reciprocated as he picked up his cutlery.

"I will show you to my cellar later then, but be warned." Alexander grinned triumphantly and picked up his glass before raising it.

"To the debt plan and to our... partnership." Thomas smiled and raised his glass to clink them together.

"To our friendship." He corrected before taking a sip. Alexander chuckled to himself and tucked into his food. Thomas Jefferson was his friend. Who ever would have thought?


	10. Chapter 10

The dinner was surprisingly very nice and Alexander could hardly fit his desert in, but he had tried his best to finish the plate, not wanting to waste the delicious food that had been made for him. So now, Alexander sat, learning back in his chair and feeling as though he was going to explode due to being so full. Thomas was very much the same, but he had a gleeful smirk upon his features.

"You enjoyed?" He asked, grunting as he sat straighter in his chair, fixing cuffs of his shirt.

"Yes, it was delicious." Alexander grinned, straining as he reached for his glass of wine. "Thank you."

"It was no problem. I enjoy cooking." As he stood, Thomas took his and Alexander's plates before walking towards the kitchen. Alexander groaned and stood up, following him and admiring the portraits on the wall as he passed.

"I haven't forgotten about the wine, by the way." He smirked as he heard Thomas mutter something under his breath. When he turned around, Jefferson gave a smile and a beckon with his hand.

"Come, I'll show you."

Thomas lead Alexander to the living room before walking over to the rug and lifting the corner, revealing a wooden door in the ground. Alexander laughed at this.

"Only you would hide a door that leads into your cellar. Burglars can take anything they want but God forbid they take your wine."

Thomas gave a playful glare, using the metal handle to open the door and motioning with his hand to the stairs that lead below the floor.

"After you."

"Why me?"

"Because there are usually spiders down their and I will not have them getting lost in my hair on the way down." Alexander rolled his eyes but complied, walking down the steps and into the darkened room below that faintly smelled of berries. Once Thomas was down with him, he took a match from the matchbox that he kept on a small table before lighting the lanterns that hung on the wall so they they could see. Alexander looked around the room as it slowly started to brighten and immediately saw dozens of wine bottles lined up on a shelf that was nailed to the wall, all perfectly straight and facing forward. Against another wall was a mountain of barrels that had signs engraved into them, noting what wine was inside.

Alexander nodded to himself as he scanned over the bottles.

"Impressive." He said, walking further in. "Do you collect them?"

"Yes," Thomas replied, blowing the match out and throwing it carelessly into the corner, where the growing stash of used matches were piling up. "I started when I was rather young."

"Which is your oldest one?"

Thomas hummed to himself as he scanned over the various bottles before he pulled one of them carefully off the shelf, blowing away a layer of dust from the label.

"This one. The writing is faded, so I can't really read what it says." He explained, holding the bottle out of Alexander to take, which he did with great care.

"Have you ever tasted it? It looks as if it has been down here for centuries." Alexander said, examining the bottle.

"I have tasted it, but I must say that it is rather dull."

"And your finest?" Thomas lead Alexander to a barrel on the end of the wall, taking an empty glass from a rack on the wall and took the cork out, letting a generous amount of the liquid fall into the glass before replugging the barrel so no more spilt.

"Here you are." He grinned, taking the bottle from Alexander as he passed the glass over. Alexander stared at the blood red liquid for a second, swirling it around in his glass before raising it to his lips and taking a sip. Immediately, his face twisted at the sweetness and Thomas couldn't help but laugh as he placed the bottle back on its rightful shelf.

"You don't like it?" Alexander coughed into his hand and blinked a couple of times.

"It has a wonderful taste, but dear God, that is sweet."

"I told you that you couldn't handle it." Thomas smirked, his smug expression returning. Alexander glared at him before passing the glass over.

"Let me see you drink it then." Thomas chuckled before downing the glass, his eyes half-lidded as he drank the divide liquid with ease. When he pulls the glass from his lips with a satisfied sound, he notices that Alexander is staring at him in disbelief.

"How on earth are you not dead? There is enough sweetness in that to kill a whole army!"

Thomas laughed, running a hand through his dark curls.

"I have a sweet tooth."

"I'm pretty damn sure that you have cavities." Alexander couldn't hide his amusement as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Maybe I should visit the doctor and see. I wouldn't be surprised." Thomas put the glass on the tables before blowing out the lanterns around the room. "Come, it is getting late and I'm sure that you'll want to get home."

Alexander nodded, following Thomas up the stairs, but he couldn't help but feel disappointed that the night was over. He had enjoyed every minute of it, and he really didn't want to be alone. Not now. But he didn't want to trouble Thomas, and so he forced himself to put on his coat and step outside into the cold night air.

"Well, thank you for tonight." He said to Thomas as he turned back to look at him. Thomas simply waved his hand airily.

"There is no worries, I enjoyed myself. It's nice to have company."

"Indeed it is." Before Alexander could react or say anything else, Thomas leaned forward and pressed a small kiss to Alexander's cheek.

Alexander's breath hitched, a number of sensations shooting through him. Thomas's warm lips could have scorched his cold skin and his curls, which fell to tickle his ear, caused him to shiver slightly. His hot breath on his cheek as he pulled away made Alexander sigh and close his eyes in contentment.

"I would very much like it if we were to do this again. Perhaps next week at your house? Same time?"

Alexander answered without hesitation.

"Yes, of course. I'd love to." He grinned, opening his large chocolate coloured eyes to look warmly at the man.

"Good. I'll see you then. Well, goodnight, Alexander." Thomas said quietly with a smile.

"Goodnight, Thomas." He replied, turning away with his eyes still half closed and hearing the door shut behind him. It was then that he let out a long, deep breath.

Wow. Thomas Jefferson had kissed him. Sure, it had been a cheek kiss, but it made him feel warm.

It made him feel happy.


	11. Chapter 11

Throughout the week that followed the dinner at Thomas's house, Alexander had been working for as many hours as he could during the days so he could have Saturday off in order to prepare food for the dinner that he and Thomas were having at his place, but the more he thought about it, the more scared he got.

Was it a date? Was it a simple dinner between friends? Did he _want_ it to be a date? Alexander was beyond confused. He didn't know whether or not to confront Thomas about it while they worked with one another, but he thought he was just being ridiculous and Thomas would never think of him romantically.

Or would he? He was awfully kind to him when they worked together, bringing him dinner and always seeming to smile at him. But, Alexander could help but think it was all out of pity as everyone knew that he hadn't been coping well after Lafayette's passing. However, although he found it hard to live without his beloved Frenchman, Alexander still tried his very best to carry on without the help of anyone else, even when he desperately needed it, and so he couldn't understand why Thomas would go out of his way to cheer him up if he wasn't asking for help or anything of the sort. But Alexander didn't mind. Not one bit.

On the night of the dinner, about an hour before Thomas was to arrive, Alexander took a walk to Lafayette's grave in the cemetery just a few minutes away from his house. When he entered the area, he immediately headed for the Frenchman's grave, his eyes scanning over all the other tombstones of fallen soldiers as he passed, nodding respectfully to them as if they could see him. Coming to a stop in front of Lafayette's grave, he bent down so that he was sitting on his knees and gently stroked the stone.

"Hello, mon amour," he whispered, his puff of breath visible due to the frosty night air. "I'm sorry that I haven't visited in a while - I have been terribly busy with work, but I have no doubt that you already know." He smiled lightly, brushing his fingers across the engraved name on the stone and brushing away the vines that were slowly creeping up the sides.

Alexander fought back the tears that threatened to fall down his cheeks by thinking of how upset Lafayette used to get when he cried.

"I miss you so much," he said, "Every second without you is another stab In the heart, and that will never change, but... I think I'm finally starting to regain my happiness." Alexander could almost hear Lafayette's laugh of delight in his head, and the adorable little clap that he used to do when he did laugh, along with that beautiful smile and those gorgeous bright eyes that lit up even the darkest of nights.

"Slowly but surely, I will get there, and I know that you will be with me every step of the way, even if you sometimes are forced to drag me." He pressed a soft kiss to the gravestone, letting his lips linger on the cold surface before pulling away and standing up with a smile on his features. "Je t'aime, Lafayette."

When Alexander arrived back at home, he noticed a figure standing at his doorstep, leaning against the wall. As he got closer, Alexander recognised it to be Thomas and he cursed quietly before rushing towards him.

"Thomas! I'm so sorry to have kept you waiting in the cold, I was just visiting Lafayette."

Thomas's eyes softened and he smiled lightly, pushing himself off the wall.

"It is quite alright. How is he?" He asked as Alexander unlocked his door. The man seemed rather shocked by the question, but he answered it anyways.

"He is doing okay," he nodded, stepping into the warmth of the house and shedding his coat while Thomas entered. "I think that he's happy where he is."

Thomas nodded with another smile, taking his coat off and letting Alexander take it off him to hang on a peg. "I am glad to hear. I am due to visit him tomorrow."

"You go often?"

"Every Sunday without fail. I stay with him for a while and chat." He said, smoothing out his shirt as he looked over at Alexander, who had a certain look in his eyes that Thomas wasn't familiar with, but whatever it was, he liked it. It made Alexander look happy with the way his eyes lit up and widened slightly, the twinkle from the lanterns on the wall reflecting in his pupils, causing them to shimmer and shine.

"We should go together some time. I'm sure that Lafayette would appreciate it. He always liked being with those he loved, didn't he?" Alexander asked, a smile growing on his features.

"Yes, he did," Thomas nodded with a matching expression.

Alexander found himself staring at Thomas as he spoke with the most gentlest of looks in admiration. Alexander knew that Thomas and Lafayette were good friends, but he never thought that the Virginian would visit Lafayette as much as he said he did, especially since he was used to Thomas being rather unsentimental and cold, but he was slowly discovering a new side of Thomas that Alexander rather loved.

"Now, shall we get on with dinner?" Thomas asked eagerly. 


	12. Chapter 12

The dinner passed smoothly between the two, eating in a comfortable silence and chatting when the opportunity came. Once the dinner was finished, Thomas complimented Alexander on his perfectly cooked meal, even going as far to say that it was the best he had ever had, which Alexander very much doubted, but he thanked him anyways with a kind smile and offered to clean up. Thomas had put up a fight about the cleaning, saying that he could help him, but Alexander stood his ground and took to cleaning the dishes. He couldn't help but laugh as Thomas stealthily started to dry the plates and cutlery when Alexander was looking.

Whilst cleaning, the two conversed over the random subjects that arose during discussions. Most of them related to work and how they could improve the plan the next day, but a few of them were about personal life. Alexander wouldn't usually be so comfortable with talking about life at home, but Thomas had shared his own stories that he felt obliged to tell the Virginian about his own life. However, just as Alexander was about to change the topic of conversation when Thomas brought Lafayette up.

"So," he had begun, drying his hands with a cloth when he finished with the plates and cutlery, "How did you meet Lafayette?"

Alexander felt himself think back to the very day he and Lafayette met in the tavern, along with Laurens and Mulligan. The three were all singing and drinking together, causing the people around them to either smirk or roll their eyes. Mulligan was banging a tune into the table as Lafayette sat on the edge of the wooden bench, Laurens stood beside them both. Alexander remembered walking over with Burr and immediately locking eyes with the Frenchman, who smiled widely over at him, and Alexander swore at that moment he had seen an angel. Everything about Lafayette was perfect; his warm, brown eyes that seemed to glow in the dim light of the tavern, his gorgeous smile that could make any person weak at the knees, his curly hair that was tied up at the back of his head with a few strands loose that framed his perfectly chiselled face, almost like a halo. Alexander instantly saw stars flickering in his vision, Lafayette sat in the middle of them all like an angel that had been sent from the heavens to fulfil Alexander's every dream. It was a moment that he would hold close to his head until the day he died.

"Well," Alexander started, leaning against the counter as he swirled his wine around in his hand. "We met in a tavern. It isn't too far from here. I remember it as if it were yesterday."

Thomas nodded, smiling. "Lafayette was very fond of you, you know? When we met in France I remember him talking of you endlessly."

"Truly?" Alexander asked, his expression softening to one of love.

"Yes." The Virginian smiled. "He really loved you."

"I know he did." As he spoke, a matching smile slowly grew on on lips. "I loved him too."

"He truly was a brilliant friend."

"Under what circumstances did you meet Lafayette?" Alexander asked, tilting his head.

"I was introduced to him." Thomas explained, fondly. "We soon became friends when he helped me through my stage fright and constant panic attacks."

"You-?

"Yes, I had anxiety." He chuckled, crossing his arms over his chest. "Rather surprising, isn't it?"

"Rather? Jesus, I had no idea." Alexander said disbelievingly.

"Yes, that was the point. Lafayette was the one to help me through it."

Alexander smiled brightly. His Lafayette was a beautiful man with a beautiful soul, one that could never be taken away, even in death. Never. No God above would ever put such a thing to waste; such a marvellous and perfect thing. Perhaps Lafayette's body had been sacrificed, but his soul would never leave those who had had the honour of being a part of such a man's life.

Not so soon afterwards, Thomas was standing at the door, buttoning up his coat and gripping his cane tightly in his right hand. It would have made the task difficult to accomplish, but Thomas was used to it due to the amount of times he had worn his favourite magenta suit. Turning around to face Alexander, who stood just in front of him, he gave one of his most charming smiles.

"Thank you for tonight. I really did enjoy myself."

"You're welcome. I do hope you come around again, I enjoy the company."

"As do I."

As Thomas leant down, Alexander fully expected his hot lips to land on his cheek like last time, but he was completely surprised when they landed on his lips instead. Too shocked to do much, Alexander simply stood with wide eyes until Thomas gently cupped his face with one hand, the other arm wound around his waist. Alexander's mind blanked and he melted into the man, moving his lips over Thomas's softly, tilting his head for a better angle as the kiss continued. Alexander's eyes fluttered shut, his arms flying up to wrap around his neck and into those wild curls on top of Thomas's head, whilst he stroked the nape of his neck. Their lips caressed and danced with each other in perfect synchronisation, both of them losing themselves in the sensation of being pressed against each other with their lips gliding over one another's.

Soon enough, they both became away of their lack of breath and broke apart, panting warm breaths onto their faces as they smiled gently, still wrapped up with each other. Alexander's mind spun pleasantly, stars bursting around him in a range of bright and beautiful colours. All he could feel was the tingling sensation that Thomas's lips left upon his own. It reminded him of the first time he and Lafayette kissed-

 _Lafayette_.

Alexander was quick to push himself from Thomas, his eyes wide and shocked.

"I... I have so much work to do."

"Alexander-" Thomas tried, his face worrying as Alexander stumbled backwards into the house.

"Goodnight, Jefferson." He hurried around before shutting the door in his face and sliding down the wooden frame, his head resting in his knees as he let out shaky breaths, tears slowly slipping with his cheeks. 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it is so short!

That very same night, after he had calmed down, Alexander shrugged on his coat and hurried down the streets, fighting against the wind that was trying to push him backwards. A few times he stumbled, but he jug about managed to evade being taken down by mother mature as he went, hugging his coat around him so he didn't completely freeze.

When he reached Eliza's house, he brought his almost blue knuckles up to the wooden door and knocked a fair amount of times as loud as he could. It early morning and so he knew that Eliza would most likely be asleep.

Soon enough, the door was practically ripped open, revealing a very tired - and very angry - Eliza, who's face was the definition of pissed off. However, when she saw Alexander's face, which was red and blotchy from both the cold and the tears that not so long ago rolled down his cheeks, her face softened and she lead him into the house.

"Oh, Alexander," she whispered.

Following the first few months after Lafayette's death, Alexander visited Eliza in the early hours of the morning with tears streaming down his face and heart wrenching sobs ripping violently from his throat. Each and every time she lead him inside and sung to him until he eventually fell asleep, and each and every time he would wake up screaming one name over and over again: Lafayette. And so Eliza thought that Alexander's old habits may have picked up again, but something told her otherwise. He wasn't currently crying, and he wasn't sobbing, but something had obviously been bothering him.

Sitting him down on the couch, Eliza went to get him a glass of water before coming back to hand it to him, falling down next to him.

"What's wrong?" She asked softly, smiling lightly as he looked at her with large, wild eyes.

"I... It's Thomas-"

"Did he hurt you?" Eliza asked immediately, sitting forward to search Alexander's face for an honest answer, but he was quick to shake his head.

"No, no. He did nothing of the sort."

"Then what is the problem?"

"He... he kissed me." He said quietly, though loud enough for her to hear as he ducked his head. But when he looked up, he couldn't help but smirk gently at Eliza's expression, which was one of complete and utter shock.

"He kissed you? _He kissed you?_ " She echoed, a sudden smile springing to her lips, but as she looked over his face, it slowly turned to a frown. "Are you not happy?"

"I don't want to betray Lafayette." He whispered, bringing his legs up to his chest as Eliza sighed, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Alexander, we have talked about this. Lafayette would want you to be happy. You are not betraying him at all, you are granting him peace of mind."

"But-" Alexander tried to interject, but Eliza cut him off with a finger to his lips.

"No buts, Alexander. Does Thomas make you happy?"

Alexander hesitated for a minute before recalling every day that they had spent together. Every smile, every laugh, every moment that Thomas made Alexander feel loved, every moment that he made him feel as though he was special. Every moment that made him happy.

"Yes." He nodded, "Yes. He does."

"Then what are you waiting for?" Eliza smiled. "Go and pursue your happiness. Lafayette knows you deserve it."

Alexander let a smile spread across his lips.

Happiness.

 


	14. The End

The next day, Alexander hesitantly strode through the corridors to reach Jefferson's office, almost sweating with anxiousness. It wasn't a very normal thing for Alexander to grow nervous, but he couldn't help but think that he had thrown away his only chance of being happy again the moment he pushed Thomas away. What if he wasn't forgiven? What if Thomas didn't want him anymore?

Scenarios rushed through his head as he tried to come up with something - anything - to say when he came to a stop outside Thomas's office door. The quiet sounds of paper rustling was heard from inside, and Alexander felt the sudden urge to be sick. Shakily lifting his hand to the door, he knocked three times and let his face drain of all colour.

"Come in!" He heard Thomas shout from inside.

With a big breath of air and a confident nod, Alexander opened the door and walked through with his head held high and his posture straight. However, the moment he lay eyes on the man who sat at the desk, Alexander paused and stared.

Thomas Jefferson - at least, that is who he thought it was - sat slouched in his chair, visible bags under his eyes along with red streaks lining his cheeks. His wild and frizzy hair almost lay limp on his head, completely drained of any life. Although he was still wearing his magenta suit from the day before, it did nothing to lighten Thomas's form due to the wrinkles that littered the material.

Alexander could have shattered right then and there upon seeing him in such a way.

When Thomas registered Alexander's presence, he immediately scrambled up to his feet, trying desperately to smooth out the creases in his outfit while forcing a weak smile onto his face.

"Alex- Hamilton," he corrected quickly, remembering how Alexander had called him by his second name before he slammed the door in his face. "What can I do for you?"

Alexander closed the door behind him, his large eyes never once leaving Thomas as he moved closer to the fidgeting man.

"Thomas," Alexander said quietly, "Are you alright?"

"Yes, of course I am," Thomas snapped, buttoning his waistcoat and ruffling his limp curls. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"I just thought..." Alexander started, coughing. "I just thought that you were upset about last night."

Thomas gave a sharp laugh, looking up at Alexander with narrowed eyes.

"Who, me? Me, who was pushed away before having a door slammed in my face? Why ever would you think such a thing?"

"Look, Thomas, I'm sorry-"

"No, Alexander," Thomas cut him off with a swipe of his hand in midair. "You're not sorry, and you know what? That is fine. However, the least you could have done was let me walk away with my dignity."

"Thomas-" Alexander watched helplessly as Thomas's cool glance slowly grew into one of nothingness.

"You let me walk away from that door feeling as if I was an animal who had just been thrown out into the cold. And usually, it wouldn't bother me, but I've tried so hard - so hard - to make you happy, Alexander."

Alexander ducked his head to avoid Thomas's gaze, for he knew that if he stared into those broken eyes for one second longer he would dissolve into tears.

"I know that losing Lafayette was hard for you - you loved him, and I understand that. But he was my friend too, one of the best men I have ever had the pleasure of being acquainted with. Of course I am not over his passing, but I didn't want you to suffer because I know what it is like to lose the person who makes you happier than you ever thought imaginable." A slight crack in his thick voice caused Thomas to pause and let out a deep breath.

Alexander didn't hesitate before he rushed forward and embraced Thomas with a comforting embrace. As soon his arms enveloped him, Thomas sunk to the floor, his quiet cries echoing around the small room. Alexander went down with him, hushing the man whom had done everything in his power to make sure he didn't fall into the dark abyss of depression. As tears rolled down his face, Alexander whispered soothing words to Thomas, who's head was buried in his neck as they rocked gently with each other.

"Thomas," Alexander whispered, hooking two fingers under his chin and tilting his head up to look at him. Thomas gazed up at him with his chocolates coloured eyes swimming in tears and his expression one of utter heartbreak.

Alexander bent down, softly kissing his wet cheek, his arms wrapping tighter around Thomas as he rested their foreheads against each other. Against his face, he felt Thomas's eyelashes flutter and his breath mingling with his own.

Leaning forward, Alexander ghosted their lips over one another's before pressing them together. Immediately, stars burst in Alexander's mind like fireworks, causing him to sigh and move his lips over Thomas's until his own eyes closed and he lost himself in the sensation of love. A sensation that he hadn't felt since the day Lafayette passed.

Thomas clutched Alexander to him, feeling as if he were soaring through the clouds. Their lips caressed each other's like a perfect symphony; soft and meaningful.

When their pulled away, they kept their foreheads together. Thomas let out a shaky breath as Alexander began to speak quietly to him, as if trying to lull him into a peaceful sleep, free of worries.

"I am so sorry for pushing you away," Alexander said, running his fingers through Thomas's curls. "When you kissed me, I felt things that I haven't felt In months, but instead of pursuing the happiness I have craved, I threw it away because I was afraid that I was betraying Lafayette. But I realised that the only thing Lafayette ever wanted for me was to be happy, and you are my living definition of the word."

Thomas looked up at Alexander with a watery smile, no longer from sadness, but joy instead. Reaching a hand up, Thomas caressed Alexander's cheek with his thumb, gazing into his eyes.

"I... I love you, Alexander Hamilton." He whispered.

Alexander laughed lightly, stroking Thomas's curls.

"I love you too, Thomas Jefferson." He said quietly, bringing their lips together again.

As they did so, a certain Frenchman laughed with absolute joy, unseen and unheard, but still there, jumping around the new couple in glee before he stopped and crouched down beside them. With a soft smile and happy tears rolling down his face, he leant forward and kissed Alexander's cheek.

"Well done, mon amour," Lafayette whispered. "You have found your happy ending, and I couldn't be more proud of you."

When Lafayette pulled away, he ruffled Thomas's curls, which the man only thought was a breeze of air, though he didn't pay any attention to anything other than Alexander, who wore a peaceful expression upon his face as he held Thomas to him.

"Now, be happy and be free, mon amour. I'll be with you always." Lafayette smiled softly, watching the two lovers share loving looks and adoring grins.

"Je t'aime, Alexander Hamilton." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading and leaving comments/kudos, you have no idea how much it means to me!  
> I hoped you enjoyed this story, and who know, I might even write an epilogue!


	15. Epilogue

Alexander stressfully paced up and down his dressing room, biting at his nails and running his hands through his sleek black hair every five seconds as Hercules tried in vain to stop him in order to sew a tear at the bottom of his pants.

"Alexander," John tried, fixing his suit and looking over at the pacing man before gripping his shoulders tightly.

"Stop. Now."

"But what if something goes wrong? What if Thomas says no? What if you forget the rings- _don't you dare forget the rings!_ "

"Alexander!" John exclaimed with a smirk. "Stop panicking. Everything is going to go fine."

Alexander hesitated but nodded with a deep breath, fixing the buttons on his shirt and tightening the pony tail at the back of his head.

"Do I look okay?"

"Yes, you look very handsome. Now, let's go and get you married, _Alexander Jefferson._ "

Alexander paused for a minute, before a smile came about his features.

"Alexander Jefferson... it had a nice ring to it, don't you think?"

"Yes, yes," John grinned, dragging Alexander out of the room. "Now come on."

Alexander and John walked down the corridor together and stopped in front of the large oak doors that separated them from the crowd of people who could be heard chatting amongst themselves quietly. Alexander eyed the door, picturing Thomas stood with his matching black suit and a bright magenta rose in his pocket, smiling charmingly.

"This is it." Alexander said quietly to himself, clenching and unclenching his fists as sweat started to gather in the palms of his hands. Bringing his hand up to his lips, he kissed the engagement ring on his finger that was crafted with silver and had a single emerald in the middle of it. Thomas knew him so very well, he mused, smiling fondly. "This is where I get married... _damn_ , who would have thought?"

"Not me, that's for sure." John shrugged, wincing with a laugh when Alexander punched his shoulder. "Are you ready?"

"Yes... just one more thing."

"What's that?"

Alexander hesitated with his words as he looked towards the ceiling, fiddling with his fingers.

"Do you... do you think-"

"No, Alexander," John cut him off softly. "I don't think that Lafayette is mad. If anything, he's jumping around us right now, squealing and clapping for you. Lafayette always, always wanted you to be happy, and you are. He's not mad, not one bit, I know that for sure."

"You think so?"

"I know so. Now, let's go. Your husband is waiting." Alexander let out a long and deep breath before John opened the oak doors and everyone in the room turned to look at him, all standing as the organ started to play. With slightly red cheeks, Alexander began to walk forward, making eye contact with Thomas at the front, who stood with the most loving expression on his face and tears in his eyes.

In the seats at the side, Eliza, Angelica, Peggy and Hercules all held hands as they watched Alexander, resisting the urge to holler and cheer for him. John walked behind Alexander with a smirk, pushing him towards Thomas as they reached the end of the runway, giving them both a clasp on the shoulder before sitting down next to Hercules.

Thomas looked deeply into Alexander eyes as he took his hands in his own, running his thumbs over the skin.

"You look beautiful." He smiled, his voice thick with emotion.

"You don't look too bad yourself." Alexander laughed quietly, brushing a stray curl from his forehead with a tender hand.

"Well, shall we do this?" Thomas asked, turning to face Washington at the front, who had wholeheartedly agreed to present the ceremony

"Yes. We shall." Alexander squeezed Thomas' hand and grinned so widely that he was sure his face were about to split in two.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today..." Washington began, watching as the two gazed at each other with a look that could only be described as adoring.

The vows had been beautiful, causing most people in the room to shed tears. Alexander had written a sonnet, and had read it through an onslaught of emotion, hardly unable to talk due to how choked up he got. Thomas had written a full page, though he wasn't able to get through all of it without pausing every once and a while to either laugh, smile or cry. Alexander had brushed his tears away as the fell down his cheeks, which Thomas had been grateful for due to his inability to see though his wet eyes. Although it may have sounded blubbery and choked, to them, it was perfect.

"I now pronounce you husband and husband. You both may now kiss." Washington finished, closing the book which he held and grinning widely at the two, who couldn't contain their excitement.

As cheers and claps echoed around the room as Thomas dipped Alexander and pressed their lips together, both smiling too much for it to actually be classed as a kiss.

Amongst the crowd of people who hollered and cheered Lafayette stood with his hand clamped over his mouth, tears streaming down his cheeks, which were spread into the widest grin he could imagine. Yet again unseen and unheard, but still there.

"Congratulations, mon amour," he whispered, walking up to the couple and kissing each of their cheeks, his lips lingering on Alexander's as he looked at his joyous face which was staring at Thomas with a most adoring look. "I am so happy. So, so happy for you."

"I love you." Lafayette heard Alexander whisper to Thomas, caressing his cheek with a tender hand.

"I love you too." Thomas said, equally as quiet as tears gathered in his own eyes, kissing Alexander's fingertips.

Lafayette sobbed with a smile, clapping loudly along with everyone else in the room, though nobody but himself could hear.

"Be good to him, Thomas," Lafayette tried sternly, knowing full well that he didn't have to say such a thing, even if anyone was able to hear him. "Because our darling deserves all the happiness this world has to offer, and so I put my trust in you, just like you did in me."

Thomas kissed Alexander again, unable to contain the fist bump that shot into the air, causing everyone, including Lafayette, to laugh.

"I'll be with you every step of the way." Lafayette whispered as the newly weds walked down the aisle, hand in hand, their eyes never leaving one another's. Not for a single second.

"Je t'aime, Alexander Hamilton. Forever and always."

Later on in the night when people were up and dancing away happily, Thomas with his little sister jumping all around the place with her on his back, Alexander watched with John and Hercules, a satisfied smile on his happy features, his eyes never once leaving Thomas.

 _"Raise a glass to freedom..."_ John began softly, causing the other two to turn and face him with knowing smiles.

_"Something they will never take away, no matter what they tell you."_

" _Raise a glass to the four of us,"_ Alexander and Hercules joined in, quietly.

_"Tomorrow there will be more of us, telling the story of tonight..."_

All three of them raised their glasses to the sky, looking up at smiling, eyes twinkling as they remembered their beloved Lafayette. Their wonderful, caring, kind, happy Lafayette, who now danced with angels in the sky, singing and smiling with all of the worlds hero's, because he was one. To everyone.

 _"Let's have another round tonight."_ Lafayette sung softly to finish off, raising his own glass in the air with them, tears rolling down his cheeks as he gazed at them them, watching as Thomas walked over and kissed the single tear away from Alexander's cheek.

His friends. His love.

His _family_.


End file.
